Worst.Sex.Ever.
You know how people say that there is no such thing as bad sex well *news flash*, there is bad sex and it could get worst.
Hum, where do I start???
Last night I went out with a guy whom I’ve been seeing/talking to for a little bit. He invited me over to his place for dinner and a movie. I knew it was going to be dinner, movie and something else and I wanted it, I just never thought it was going to be that bad. I left that fucking house disgusted.
We had dinner, then started watching a the documentary Sicko by Michal Moore. In the middle of the movie he made a move and kissed me. One thing led to another and “ta da” we were in the bedroom. At this point I am half naked and he is only wearing underwear.
He started using his tongue and hands and it was a mayor fail. How do I say this?? um, I never EVER thought the tongue could get hard enough to hurt. There was a point where I actually said “ouch” and he kept on going. I said “slow down”, even grabbed his hands to make him slow it down a little bit but nothing worked.
I gave him the fucking benefit of doubt, thinking that maybe he was nervous or something and kept on going.
Two minutes later -I wasn’t feeling hot yet- he put the condom on, rubbed his penis against my vagina a little bit, it was not even IN and he said something like “if I keep doing this I’m going to ejaculate” sentenced finished and he fucking came.
WHAT.THE.FUCK.
I wasn’t even horny yet. Seriously.
I left that fucking apartment as soon as I could and most likely will never ever go back. It was really the worst sex ever. IF you can call that sex.
…oh and by the way,
he called later to apologize; but that’s another post.
Sugar & Spice
November 30th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Oh, man!!!!!!!
I would not be in a hurry to see that dude again, unless he is going to be a enthusiastic pupil.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:18 am
some guys just never learn the right stuff.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Time to move on to the next dude.
There plenty of other guys out there that actually know their way around a vagina.
What a let down…I do love that he apologized though, that is hysterical!
November 30th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Wow, that’s pretty bad. If I were you, I’d conveniently ‘forget’ his phone number.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:29 am
LOL! OMG! I’ll comment later…when I stop laughing!
(You’ll look back on this and laugh one day. Trust me!)
November 30th, 2009 at 11:31 am
hehehe
November 30th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Premature ejaculation?
November 30th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
If I was going to come onto a woman, I would’ve used “Bowling for Columbine” instead of “Sicko.”
November 30th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
I can’t decide if the fact that he recognized something was bad enough to need an apology is a good thing or a bad thing….
November 30th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
pity you didn’t get to return the favour snigger hug
November 30th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Wait…did he actually say, “I’m going to ejaculate”? What a tool. He can’t even talk dirty properly.
November 30th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Wow, I thought that only happened in the movies. Yikes! Sounds like he hasn’t been with a woman before.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Yup, he used the word ‘ejaculate’
November 30th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
yeah, guess Michael Moore has that effect on women - hence the traditional drive-in sci-fi/horror films. or is the doc/film that thingy that bad sex is preferable to watching it all?
November 30th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Did he also tell you he wanted to fornicate with you, and rip off your underclothes?
November 30th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Ejaculate? Who the hell says that? He didn’t deserve to have his pants off while being in the company of a woman.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
and “big soft tongue”. They teach that in Cunnilingus 101
November 30th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
poor guy he sucks so doesn’t get it ever then when he does can’t. Didn’t he watch something about mary?
December 1st, 2009 at 1:52 am
Undergarments Steve, underclothes is uncouth.
December 1st, 2009 at 2:33 am
I really enjoyed the date - thanks for dropping round!
December 1st, 2009 at 7:49 am
lmao Lerm… I’m pretty sure it was a guy who said there is no such thing as bad sex. Ladies, this is why it may not be a good idea to wait to have sex. As long as it’s on your terms it doesn’t make you slutty to have sex on the first or second date. Think of it as a try-out.
December 1st, 2009 at 7:53 am
and kona is right. you must start out soft and slow when going down on a new partner. Not every girls likes to have their shit mauled and very few like to have it mauled right from the beginning. I’m with Rockboy also… dude definitely needs to rub one out before his next date.
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:12 pm
lmao.. and steve - you are priceless.
i’ve had my share of hot guys but horrible sex. one of the last ones was this really wealthy, sucessful guy and after a few nice dates we went away for the weekend to a cabin in the mountains. should have been fun or romantic, right? nah. sex was horrible. and then i was stuck with him for 2 days. all he did was pin me down and kind of rub against me.. it was weird. ugh.